??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
