like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
