god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
