did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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