you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
