you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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