My first STD was from a foam party
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
