I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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