STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
