but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
