once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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