I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
