I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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