He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
