Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
