tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
