Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
