I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize