We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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