That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
