THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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