chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
