I have demons in me.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
