I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
