i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
