he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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