Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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