I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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