Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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