I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
