This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
