Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
