the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize