so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize