I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
