what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
