i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
