He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
