i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
