My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize