Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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