Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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