you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
