You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize