I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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