Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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