The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
