Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
