i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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