My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I skipped work to stalk him.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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