You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
