I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
