I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
