Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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