Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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