quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
4 words: hood of his car
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
