they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish you could order shots online.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
