Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
