genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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