I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
