come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just want nice things and good sex
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
