Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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