u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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