at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
