What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
