perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
