'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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