What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
