My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize