Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
