69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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