i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
