I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
