did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
