so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
