Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i will never coherently bang her
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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