i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Randomize
