The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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