im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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