I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
