Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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