so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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