But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
