you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
