that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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