I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
