If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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