No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
