sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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