So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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