Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
