Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think your dad took our porno
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
