someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
