I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
